Existence feels like a nightmare
Sunday, 15 June 2025 09:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sv4649I have a hard time existing. The concept of death is eating me alive. I cannot fathom why humans bring foward more humans into this reality, another conciousness trapped in this metaphysical horror.
I enjoy certain areas of my life, but I cannot help it. The weight of existence is too heavy to hold. Also, I am too afraid to die. Death horrifies me, is my personal boogeyman that eventually will come after me and take me away.
Feels terrible how this suffering is taking away all my joy, all my energy to write or draw. I remember the words of Jesus:
And they give me a momentary relieve, but not for long, toughts torture me again later. Currently is the illness that has me in this sad and suffocating state. If I am ever cyred, it will go away like nothing, until the next health issue arrives and I am faced with my own mortality again.
What porpouse then I have. There is no other escape but to accept death.
Complete, with its illness, unpredictable nature, with its pain and the agonizing phase that will reach us.
Is hard to write that. It does not make it any easy, but God give me bravery, courage and disposition. I dont want to keep being attached to something that will go away sooner or later.
I am also afraid of loneliness, dont let me die alone without someone's hand for comfort. Allow me to die with my l9ved one next to me. Allow me to find comfort.
What else is for me.
I enjoy certain areas of my life, but I cannot help it. The weight of existence is too heavy to hold. Also, I am too afraid to die. Death horrifies me, is my personal boogeyman that eventually will come after me and take me away.
Feels terrible how this suffering is taking away all my joy, all my energy to write or draw. I remember the words of Jesus:
27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? —Matthew 7:27
And they give me a momentary relieve, but not for long, toughts torture me again later. Currently is the illness that has me in this sad and suffocating state. If I am ever cyred, it will go away like nothing, until the next health issue arrives and I am faced with my own mortality again.
What porpouse then I have. There is no other escape but to accept death.
Complete, with its illness, unpredictable nature, with its pain and the agonizing phase that will reach us.
Is hard to write that. It does not make it any easy, but God give me bravery, courage and disposition. I dont want to keep being attached to something that will go away sooner or later.
I am also afraid of loneliness, dont let me die alone without someone's hand for comfort. Allow me to die with my l9ved one next to me. Allow me to find comfort.
What else is for me.
