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sv4649 I feel inmense hopelessness, existence has always been difficult to bear, but in sickness the feeling and weight of reality is 100x worse.
I was created without my consent. And my brain, prone to mental illness makes me waste life. I'd wish I was resilient, brave instead of weak at every inconvenience. I am weak. ten thousand years ago I would have not survived at all, because I am not fit for survival.
I am scared of the future, I do not want to die but at the same time, dying will be the cure of all my suffering, the physical one, the mental one, the spiritual one.
And talking about spiritual suffering, I feel like the hebrew people freed from slavery but now lamenting their sufferings on the desert. I hope God can forgive my pessimism. Is just that I am always meet with bad luck, everyone around me is thriving, my school generation is thriving, and I am behind despite my efforts, I try and try and try, but why I am not allowed of a period of grace?
I was created without my consent. And my brain, prone to mental illness makes me waste life. I'd wish I was resilient, brave instead of weak at every inconvenience. I am weak. ten thousand years ago I would have not survived at all, because I am not fit for survival.
I am scared of the future, I do not want to die but at the same time, dying will be the cure of all my suffering, the physical one, the mental one, the spiritual one.
And talking about spiritual suffering, I feel like the hebrew people freed from slavery but now lamenting their sufferings on the desert. I hope God can forgive my pessimism. Is just that I am always meet with bad luck, everyone around me is thriving, my school generation is thriving, and I am behind despite my efforts, I try and try and try, but why I am not allowed of a period of grace?
